It’s not about what specifically you did. It’s the feeling in my gut that is disappearing. It’s the way I sleep at night without your voice in my ear, telling me what I need to stay up worrying about. It’s the way I move through the world and back in time, recognizing that I was amazing the entire time. It’s realizing that you never defined me. It’s who you are, and the fact that I am not an extension of you, I am my own person.
I cannot un-open my eyes,
and I can’t trust you now.

Luciana, 38

Tied to the bumper of a small car,
Is it mine, or his?
Either way, I have to run behind it,
Nobody is driving, anymore.

Luciana, 38

Stuck in a trauma loop – forever
Locked inside a revolving door
It’s not so bad in there, with the past
Slipped into the rip in time that I tore

Lucy – 38, 19

The part in the middle, when everyone gets up from their seats. Some decide to leave, other people sneak in without paying. The first act is over. The second act hasn’t started, but the groundwork is being laid down in the dark. Everything behind the scenes and silent, and the voices of the words the actors spoke in the beginning still hang in the air.

Luciana, 38

“Have you ever thought about hurting yourself in the last week? In the last month?”
I look over to the tiny red light on the stove that indicates there’s a burner on. I want to stick my hand on it.
“Yes.”
“Okay. Have you acted on any of those thoughts?”
“No.”
not yet.

–