I rode bus 43 with a lot of kids from school that could be described as assholes. I know everyone has their own cross to bear, but it was just the goddamn bus, and my brother and I were the last stop. Everybody was “too cool,” to let either of us sit with them, and all of the seats were occupied by only one asshole kid. This usually ended in the bus driver coming over the intercom and demanding them to let us sit somewhere, to which they would complain, every day. These bus rides were filled with naughty language, and I quickly learned all of the “bad” words. There were many times when they didn’t use the words properly themselves.

“You shit out your ass, man!”
To which my brother muttered, “doesn’t everyone?”
One day, a new word emerged that I had not heard before.

“Bastard.”

It seemed harmless, blending so smoothly into their vocabulary. “You bastard! Give me my Walkman back!” said the chubby ginger with glasses to the girl with slicked hair sitting across the aisle. “No, you dumb fuck!” she replied.

I knew enough not to use “dumb fuck,” but when I found myself at home in front of a cupboard with an empty Wheat Thins box in it, I decided to speak my mind. stalked into the living room where my mom and brother were watching TV. I held up the box;

“What bastard at the wheat thins?”

Both heads slowly turned to face me.

“What…?” Harry’s caterpillar eyebrows were raised so high it seemed as though they would crawl off his forehead.

I repeated myself, “What…bastard ate the Wheat Thins?”

There was no punishment, but instead uproarious laughter. I was in grade school when that happened, and to this day, regarding any cracker/chip/bit of food in the household that we are running out of, I am asked which bastard ate it
before me.

Luciana, 25